Anxiety in Kids
Often when kids or teens are worried or anxious parents and adults step in to help solve the problem. While this works well in the short-term in the long-term you may be reinforcing their worry and not helping your child learn to cope with worried thoughts or feelings.
The best thing you can do for your child is to help them learn how to cope with anxiety.
First it is important for parents to realise that some anxiety in their child or teen is quite common and depending on their developmental stage is to be expected. Anxious behaviour, being scared, and having some fears can be common - especially when they come across new situations and experiences.
Infants feel stranger anxiety. Babies at about 8–9 months old recognise the faces of people they know. New people can seem scary to them and they may cry or cling to a parent to feel safe.
Toddlers feel separation anxiety. Somewhere between 10 months and 2 years, many toddlers start to fear being apart from a parent. They may cry, cling, and try to stay near their parent.
Kids fear “pretend things”. From the age of about 4 to 6 kids can imagine and engage in pretend play. They struggle to tell between what is real and what is not. To them monsters may seem real and they are genuinely concerned that a monster might be hiding under their bed or in their room. Some are afraid of the dark or have scary dreams. They may be scared of loud noises, such as thunder, fireworks, loud machinery.
Older kids fear real-life dangers. From the age of 7 or older, some kids begin to fear things that could happen in real life. They may start worrying about a “bad guy” coming into the house, or they may feel scared about things they see on the news, like natural disasters. They may worry about getting hurt or dying. Older kids may also feel anxious about schoolwork, grades, or fitting in with friends.
Teens may have social and school fears. At about age 12 or older they may start feeling worried about how they look, friendships, and where they fit in. For some children this happens at a younger age, or a later age. They may feel afraid about assignments, starting high school, exams or their sports performance.
Ways to help kids with anxiety
Provide COMFORT and ENCOURAGEMENT to an infant or toddler by letting them know you are here to protect them. Soothe them with words by saying “I am here, you are safe” and give them hugs.
As your child gets older LISTEN to them without interrupting. Once they have finished speaking REFLECT to your child what you hear, see and name the feeling; “I can see on your face you are very worried about the loud thunder”".
For young and older children help your child SLOW DOWN. Encourage them to take a few slow, deep breaths to calm the physical effects of your child’s or teen’s anxiety. Practice together by breathing in for three seconds (through your nose), hold for three seconds, then breathe out for three seconds (through your mouth). Once calmer they can talk to you about what’s worrying them.
It is a skill to parenting kids with anxiety. One thing you can to help calm a child with anxiety is to MODEL HELPFUL COPING. Verbalise to your child when you feel worried; “This looks scary, but I am going to give it a go”. It is important to keep your own anxiety in check and to seek professional support if you are an anxious parent.
LIMIT SCARY SHOWS, or IMAGES your child may be viewing. Be aware of what your child or teen may be watching. For young children you need to be very aware what you are allowing them to watch and you need to do your research. Parents often think it is okay to watch an adult show with their child playing in the room. However children are like sponges and often absorb any and all information, situations and experiences that they are exposed to.